Survivor stories

Betty Makoni’s mission is to give girls who have been raped the confidence to transform from victims to survivors to leaders. Through her organization, Girl Child Network Worldwide (GCNW), she has built up a small group of girls in a rural school in Zimbabwee into a force of young women spanning three continents: Africa, Europe, and North America.

The video to the left is the first in a four part series on YouTube describing Marconi and her work in Zimbabwe (1 2 3 4). GCNW is modeled on her work in Zimbabwe and accomplishes its mission with a unique blend of peer empowerment, adult role models, cultural tradition, modern human rights philosophy, and social advocacy. The project began in 1998 when Makoni was working as a teacher. She noticed that there were twice as many boys as girls in her classes and girl students often attended irregularly. One day she decided to start asking the girls why this was so and found out that they were carrying the weight of many of Zimbabwe’s social ills: parents who had AIDS, abuse at home, early marriage, or shame and trauma from rape.  Rape of young girls is especially common in Zimbabwee because as many as 1 in 10 men believe that the blood of a virgin with cause them to prosper financially or heal them from AIDS.

Makoni, an English teacher, decided that her job as a teacher required her to educate the entire child and not just the child’s brain. (more…)

May 4, 2010



Forty years ago on May 4, 1970, 4 students were killed and 11 injured when the Ohio National Guard opened fire on a students protesting the Vietnam war on the campus of Kent State Univerisy. The shootings divided the USA. Some wondered how a nation could treat its own children in this manner. Others unconditionally accepted whatever decisions were made by the National Guard. College campuses exploded with demonstrations and within a week 100,000 marched on the US capital to protest.

That day four families lost a child.

  • Doris and Arthur lost their daughter Allison Krause. Laurel lost her older sister. On her tomb they wrote “flowers are better than bullets” because only a few days before she had placed a lillac in a friendly soldier’s gun barrel using those words.
  • Louis and Florence Schroeder lost their son, Bill. Bill Schroeder was an ROTC student who had committed himself to 10 years in his countries service: 4 as a ROTC student, 4 as a full-time officier, and 2 in reserve.
  • On the day of the shootings, Elaine Holstein, Jeff Miller’s mother, was listening to the car radio as she drove home. She heard that four had been killed, never dreaming that one would be her own son. They had both been concerned about the tensions, and she decided to ask him to come home. When she got home, she called his fraternity and asked for her son. A boy answered “He’s dead”.
  • Sandy Scheuer was simply passing through on her way to class when the bullets began to fly. Her parents were Holocaust refugees who had come to the US expecting to live in a state that would protect them.

Dean Kahler survived the attack but the bullet in his spine put him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. In the years immediately following his parents struggled with overprotectiveness and he worked to overcome his anger at the loss of the use of his legs. Even with the anger, the shooting only served to strengthen his conviction that there must always be an alternative to violence and war. To work through his anger he became active in wheelchair sports and helped out with his school’s disability office.

The political allegiances that split the nation also fed the blame-the-victim mentality that so often affects the survivors of violent crimes. Along side many, many letters of support, Dean Kahler received hate mail. Some letters even wished he had died. Joseph Lewis, Jim Russell, and Robert Stamps, belonged to families that were certain that the National Guard was in the right. Their families responded to their injuries with anger and judgment rather than support.

But loss is only the beginning of the story. Kent State has turned into a historic event because the survivors found ways to turn their loss into both personal and social healing. (more…)

In 2003, Samantha Geimer wrote an Op-Ed in the LA Times. In the op-ed piece she discusses the rape and expressed three frustrations with life after rape:

Looking back, there can be no question that he did something awful. It was a terrible thing to do to a young girl. But it was also 25 years ago — 26 years next month. And, honestly, the publicity surrounding it was so traumatic that what he did to me seemed to pale in comparison….

I know there is a price to pay for running. But who wouldn’t think about running when facing a 50-year sentence from a judge who was clearly more interested in his own reputation than a fair judgment or even the well-being of the victim? … My attitude surprises many people. That’s because they didn’t go through it all; they don’t know everything that I know. People don’t understand that the judge went back on his word…..

The one thing that bothers me is that what happened to me in 1977 continues to happen to girls every day, yet people are interested in me because Mr. Polanski is a celebrity. That just never seems right to me. It makes me feel guilty that this attention is directed at me, when there are certainly others out there who could really use it.

Looking back at all the verbage spilled over the Polanski rape case I’m wondering why so little is being written on these questions. We say child rape should be punished strongly because it is so hurtful to victims. But aren’t we also hurting a victim by ignoring her questions? The first rule of compassion is to give what a person needs and not what we want or expect them to need.

Rape and the media. Geimer declares that the media treatment was more traumatic than the rape. Was she merely exaggerating? Should we not take her at her word? She seems to mean it. In October, 2009, shortly after Polanski’s arrest she was back in the news, pleading to be left alone and warning that the media circus that accompanies celebrity rapes discourages victims of celebrities from filing complaints.

Rape media coverage can be brutal, especially when the alleged rapist is a celebrity. Anyone following the shenanigans of Ben Roethlisberger in the US or Jack Tweed in the UK knows this. To see just how brutal, take a look at our in depth review of the trial coverage and scroll down to the description of the Daily Mail’s equal opportunity slam. Or alternative enter “Ben Roethlisberger Andrea McNulty” into google. Even when the coverage isn’t hostile, excessive attention can be very disruptive. She is raising a very important point and she is being ignored.

I’m not the only victim in town. We’ve also largely ignored Geimer’s worry that society marginalizes rape unless there is a celebrity involved. There are other cases that have just as much or more need for attention than hers.

Geimer isn’t the only one whose raised the question. Way back in September, ABC interviewed UCLA law professor Peter Arnella. Why, he asked, would a prosecutor spend so much energy and money going after a one-time offender from 30 years ago when it is cash strapped? The prosecutor brushed it aside as a case where principle matters more than economics: “offenders don’t get to choose their punishment”.

But in this case, do principles really matter more than economics? What is the opportunity cost of pursuing Polansky? How many below-the-poverty-line kids have abusers that aren’t being prosecuted because it would divert resources from the Polanski case? How many prosecutions are only half prepared because there isn’t enough money budgeted for the case? How many local crimes are we going to prevent by spending money on legal sparring with Polanski rather than on locking up that local guy breaking parole by hanging around outside of school playgrounds?

A deal is a deal. Geimer contends that the judge made a promise and then reneged on it. Lies and broken promises by an authority figure are a key element of Geimer’s rape complaint. They are a key element of almost any non-violent rape. Assuming she is telling the truth about a deal, is it any wonder she should react negatively to a judge’s broken promises? Is she being overly sensitive? Or are we minimizing? Can we really afford to treat her concerns about judicial deception lightly?

Is this really about Polanski? If we think the original deal gave too light a sentence, perhaps then we should be asking why the prosecutor made that deal in the first place?

A 90-day sentence for a drug facilitated rape of a minor should make us mad. But we shouldn’t take that anger out on the victim. We should place it where it belongs: on a judge who thought that Polanski deserved no more than a slap on the wrist. The transcript from sentencing reads:

The probation report discloses that although just short of her 14th birthday at the time of the offense, the prosecutrix was a well developed young girl who looked older than her years; and regrettably not unschooled in sexual matters. She has a 17 year old boyfriend, with whom she had sexual intercourse at least twice prior to the offense involved. The probation report further reveals that the prosecutrix was not unfamiliar with the drug quaalude, she having experimented with it as early as her tenth or eleventh year……..However, although the prosecutrix was not an inexperienced and unsophisticated young girl, this of course was not a license to the defendant, a man of the world, in his forties, to engage in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with her

Do you see the hint of “it isn’t rape unless she’s a virgin” ?

A judge who truly understood rape would not care whether Geimer had tried sex or drugs before. The only thing that should have mattered was the gap in their ages. In essence the judge is saying “yeah, it is wrong, but not wrong-wrong. Sure, Polanski shouldn’t have done it, but It isn’t like we are spoiling a pure innocent child. He didn’t introduce her to sex or Quaaludes.” Is it any wonder the judge gave such a light sentence? Isn’t it time the State own up to its own mistakes?

Geimer wants the case closed because a deal is a deal. Polanski wants testimony about the sentencing decisions unsealed so he can prove a deal is a deal. The State wants to keep them sealed. Why? If the State behaved itself, what does it have to fear?

At 6 AM today, Vanessa Kennedy finished 24 hours of continuous blogging to raise money for the Angela Shelton Foundation. For 24 hours straight, Vanessa Kennedy, and her friends posted a new blog post each hour on the hour. The blogathon aimed to raise $1000. As of the close of the blogathon it had reached 84% of it’s goal. Those interested in making a donation can visit the  blogathon’s donation page.

The blogathon explored the experience of survivors from many perspectives: family, friends, the survivors themselves, art, poetry, music and social action. The blogathon posts show how coming to terms with rape is both a difficult and life renewing process. But these are more than just survivor stories. They are narratives that show the interaction between life experience and the creative processes that lead to art, literature, and social action:

  • Angela, a documentary producer, goes in search of her namesakes across the country and finds her own story echoed in the women she meets, along with stories of courage and determination that have continued to inspire her. Her documentary, Searching for Angela Shelton won many awards, including the best independent documentary in the Austin film festival.
  • Inwood writes of the creative interaction between developing the plot and character of a novel and her discovery of a need to heal from her own past. She concludes with some reflections on the role of collusion and silence in allowing rape and kidnapping to “happen” as well as the importance of speaking out and empowering people to confront rather than look away.
  • Dannyn speaks with awe inspiring courage about events that take guts even to remember – witnessing the death of a friend, being left for dead by a rapist high on drugs, surviving a kidnapping. She reminds us of the meaning of grit and determination.
  • Vanessa, the blogathon sponsor, tells how rape lead to her business as a designer of inspiring jewelry as well as many social action activities. Her story is rounded out with blog posts from her father and two close friends. Together they help us see that rape never affects only the victim. Everyone who loves and is close to a survivor is affected in one way or another. It is a wound in our social fabric and not just a wound to the individual.
  • Kim Lampe tells her story both metaphorically and factually – she has a gift for writing that allows her story to go beyond its boundaries and draw together hints of life, death, suspense, mystery, uncertainty and hope.

A synopsis of the individual posts in chronological sequence follows:

6 AM: And So It Begins
7 AM: Searching for Angela Shelton
8 AM: Your chance to win a SIGNED copy of Finding Angela Shelton
9 AM: Angela B’s story
10 AM: “She is” – A poem by Megan F
11 AM: Kristen’s story
noon: Michell C.’s story
1 PM: Our Silence: A poem by John Harrison
2 PM: A Daughter’s story
3 PM: Inwood’s story
4 PM: Megan F’s story
5 PM: Who Votes for Skipping April – A blog from Tracie
6 PM: Dannyn’s story
7 PM: My Story (Vanessa’s story)
8 PM: My best friend Jen’s story
9 PM: A Friend & Supporter’s Perspective – Alex C.
10 PM: My Father’s Perspective
11 PM: Guided path – Diann’s story
midnight: Suzanne’s story
1 AM: Joanna’s story
2 AM: Middle Pieces by Kim Lampe
3 AM: Megan S’s story
4 AM: The Poetry Post
5 AM: Angela’s Language of the Heart by Janie Blakely
6 AM: WOOOT! I DID IT! WE DID IT!

This is the fourth in a series of 12 blogathons sponsored by members of Angela’s Army of Angels. The first of these was sponsored by Joanna Doane and used a classic “thon” fundraising model. Donors pledged dollar amounts for each hour of sustained blogging. There were a total of 48 posts, one each hour on the half hour. The project was so successful that it inspired the Army of Angels to turn it into a monhly event. The more recent blogathons are using an online donation service to collect one time donations rather than per-hour donations. Previous blogathons can be viewed at the following websites:

For upcoming blogathon events see the Army of Angel’s website.

The Angela Shelton Foundation sponsors a variety of projects aimed at inspiring survivors of sexual and domestic violence. The projects included The Survivors Manual – a website and blog featuring self-empowerment and healing tips for survivors of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault, workshops, an annual conference for survivors, and Angela’s Army of Angels. They are also seeking to sponsor additional projects in the arts and media that aim to inspire survivors or end violence. Funding comes from revenue generated by the documentary Searching for Angela Shelton and survivor fundraising projects like this month’s blogathon.

Threesome (Felix Nussbaum)

When I was a child I loved to read Holocaust stories. My parents were preoccupied with themselves and their dissolving marriage. I got teased a lot at school. The stories of young people who lived during the Holocaust reminded me of how much worse life could be. They helped me understand that no matter how frustrating my life was, I had the option of growing up and escaping.

At thirty, in the middle of the night on Rosh HaShanna, everything changed. More »

Teri Hatcher in a charity triathlon

Teri Hatcher, one of the lead actresses in Desperate Housewives, has been on an empowerment kick since she decided to go to prosecutors with her story of childhood incest. In her latest move, she is partnering with Disney to start a website aimed at empowering women to enjoy life and themselves: www.gethatched.com.

In January, 2002 while helping her mother with a pre-moving day garage sale, Teri read an old newspaper story about an 11 year old girl who committed suicide after having been molested by the same man who had molested Teri more than 30 years early.

Coming forward was not easy. At the time she was out of work and she was afraid that the tabloids would hear about her conversations with the DA and paint her as an ex-star seeking attention. She also carried her own self-blame from her childhood. She pushed herself forward all the same in part to help the 11 year old girl’s grieving family, in part to tie up loose ends in her own story, and in part because she knew that in all the years between her molestation and the girls, he must have had many other victims.

Her testimony convinced the man to plead guilty and he was sentenced to 14 years in jail. Had she not come forward, the molester would have walked free – the only witness in the case was dead.

Two years later, Teri was given a role in a new TV series, Desperate Housewives. Normally, she would have tried to figure out what the director wanted, but this time she simply let her vision of the role develop and acted out of that vision. She won the part despite her initially being far from a first choice candidate. By 2006, the show had become a huge hit and she was no longer an unemployed has-been actress.

With her career on an upswing she decided again to put the truth within her above what she thought others wanted of her. In the April, 2006 issue of Vanity Fair she told the story of her childhood molestation and the 2002 conversations with the DA. Initially she came forward because she was tired of being accepted for only a part of herself. She felt she needed to acceptance for all of who she is. Once again she was surprized by the impact. Within a day, the DAs office had calls from 25 other victims of the same man. In the months following she received thousands of letters from people who had decided to file reports of long lost crimes, just to have their story on record in case their abuser ever became a suspect.

Teri’s experiences have made her sensitive to the need all women have, herself included, for empowerment. In a special edition of Larry King featuring 12 celebrity survivors of childhood sexual abuse, she said

“These experiences that we have in our lives, both personally and professionally, leave us with a choice, a choice to use our experiences to enlighten and empower and change people’s lives and that is a choice that I am getting behind”.

In May, 2006, she published her book “Burnt Toast: And Other Philosophies of Life”. She says wrote the book to empower women to find ways to value themselves without taking away from others. She further explains her purpose:

“My purpose in writing this book was to try to help stop the pattern in women to take less than what they deserve.. I don’t think you have to be molested to be in pain as a woman, to feel like you don’t deserve good things… we are all women who don’t treat ourselves well enough. Women walk around feeling like everything is their fault.”

In 2006 she also appeared along with the Muppets in a PSA sponsored by the Will Rogers foundation, advertising a free brochure to help teens deal with stress. In October 2007 she wrote an article for Newsweek telling her own story. At the end of the article she encourages survivors still feeling shame and self blame to seek help from RAINN, a nationwide referral service for survivors of sexual assault.

In September, 2009 sponsored in part by Disney, she ran a triathlon to raise funds for Children’s Hopsital Los Angeles. She hoped to inspire other moms like herself and followed up the run with two articles in ModernMom.com, one comparing motherhood to running a triathlon and the other reflecting on competition and motivation.

Today Disney is sponsoring Hatcher in quite a bit more than a triathlon.

As part of our goal of promoting the work of survivor activists, we have added several new categories to our resource section. These categories show case the work of survivors whose experiences have lead them to create works of art, start social entrepreneurship projects, collect stories of survivors, or write their own.

For more information, please check out our two new resource pages, available in a drop-down list under “Resources” in the If She Cry Out website menubar:

In the future we plan to followup with articles on individual activists, their artistic endeavors and the organizations they have started.

If you are a survivor of violent crime or a terror attack or are managing a project or organization started by one, please let us know what you are doing. For contact information, see the contact page.

There is a long standing tradition of marking material with potentially difficult or painful material with some sort of warning. In movies we slap PG and R ratings. On hard-hitting TV shows dealing with tough realities, we sometimes see an intro suggesting that the show contains material “not suitable for children”. On websites and forums, including this one, sometimes one will find the phrase “Trigger Warning”.

Like PG and R movie ratings, its purpose is to mark difficult material. The phrase “trigger warning” comes from literature on trauma recovery. Anything that symbolizes or reminds someone of a past painful experience has the potential to reawaken or “trigger” vivid memories and strong feelings associated with that experience.

Trigger warnings are meant to be like the highway signs warning of S-curves. They are meant to give a reader time to prepare themselves for emotional jolts. However, if we are not careful, they can start looking a lot more like an NC-17 movie rating.

Movie ratings are all too often used to express social judgments and exclusion. G may officially stand for “general audience”, but in most peoples minds it also means good clean family friendly fun. A movie with too much “bad” language is marked PG. Producers often prefer to release movies unrated rather than risk an NC-17 rating because many advertisers and theaters refuse to promote or show NC-17 movies as a matter of policy.

Sometimes this judgment may be merited. Often sex and violence in movies are gratuitous. It does nothing to push the message of the movie forward. It is added to increase sales or win artistic kudos for being “edgy”. It seeks to titillate and entertain and impress.

But what happens when the violence is not gratuitous? What happens when the violence is just real life? What happens if lessons learned from violence gave a person reason to dedicate their lives to seeking social justice? Should we be marking the lived experience of human beings with warnings? Are some experiences, however difficult, transformative and healing?

Isolation and even shame is a huge part of the pain of trauma. Stories of trauma and the lessons learned from them are not merely stories, but lived experiences. By marking lived experiences as triggers, we are essentially quarantining a part of that person. We are saying “This part of your life is so horrible that you are forbidden to talk about it unless you surround it with signs and rituals.”

So horrible? Or so sacred? We can also look at the signs and rituals, and see them as a demarcation of the sacred. When Moses tried to approach the burning bush, God said “Do not come closer…this is holy ground”. Then follows hell and hope: a recitation of the horrors of slavery, but also God’s promise to personally deliver Moses’ people from those horrors. (Exodus 3:1-8). God effectively gave Moses a trigger warning. But this was not to turn Moses back, but rather to empower Moses to play a role in God’s mission.

When Moses met God face to face on Mount Sinai, his face was so touched by the glory of God that his own people told him to cover his face – they could not look at it. How did Moses feel when he was effectively shunned by his own people, even his own brother Aaron (Exodus 34: 30-31)? There are times when we need to keep even holiness at a distance. None the less, the people continued to listen to Moses and include him. In fact his power grows. Though Moses was at a distance, he was not alone. The difference between feeling awe and passing judgment is found in our willingness to listen.

When a survivor of violence has found wisdom and hope, their experiences become sacred ground. They are a burning burn that speaks of hell, but also of hope. We can never share the experience of a survivor, but we can join in their mission. There is a limit to how close we may come, but that doesn’t mean we are without response. Moses took off his shoes to become more connected to holy ground. Moses’ people stood and listened. They acted even when they didn’t fully understand. Do we?

Susanna and the Elders

Judith Beheading Holofernes

Self Portrait

Artemisia Gentileschi (1593 – 1652/1653) was the one of the most important early Baroque women painters and the first woman ever to be admitted to the esteemed Accademia di Arte del Disegno in Florence. She was a contemporary of Galileo and counted herself among his friends.

She is particularly well known for her portrayal of women. In Susanna and the Elders she defies the then current tradition of portraying Susanna as a seductress. Instead Susanna is clearly intimidated by the attention of the elders who look upon her with whispers and accusatory words. This is arguably the first painting in history that portrays unwanted sexual attention through a woman’s eyes.

Her painting of Judith’s slaying of Holofernes portrays the same scene as a well known painting by Carravagio, but shows much more powerful women. Carravagio’s Judith appears almost afraid of her own sword and her accomplice is an old woman who stands to the side. In Artemisia’s painting, Judith wields the sword with determination and her accomplice is her own age and bent over to help her.

Both painting were produced in the order displayed above at a particularly difficult time of her life. At 17 Artemisia’s father had tried to find a place for her to study at an artist’s academy but she was refused a place since she was female. Her father did not want her to stop painting so he apprenticed her to his friend, Agostino Tassi. Shortly after, she was raped by her teacher. Her father pressed charges and Tassi was tried and convicted for rape. A transcript of the rape trial exists to this day. Excerpts may be seen here. Shamed by the way the trial assaulted her reputation, Artemisia moved to Florence.

The third painting, sometimes titled “The Angel” or “Allegory of Inclination”, is believed to be a self portrait. It was painted in Florence two years after the trial. In the painting she holds a compass and looks to the distance with both sadness and expectancy. The original painting was a full length nude, the drapery was added a generation later in the name of modesty.

There is no way of knowing what was in her mind at the time of these paintings, but three paintings together portray a journey from shame to empowerment to determined hope. The last is the painting of a survivor whose determination to follow her inclinations and look towards her source of meaning cannot be stopped no matter what sadness her artistic inclinations have brought to her.

An additional 31 paintings with biographical and artistic commentary may be seen here.

It is a story none of us would ever want to live, from rising media star to crime victim to survivor on a mission. Katie Piper has started a foundation, The Katie Piper Foundation, to advocate for burn victims, but the road to its creation was anything but easy.

In mid March, 2008 media personality and rising model Katie Piper began dating a man she had met through Facebook. He seemed like a wonderful match, and she even called her mother to tell her how happy she was. But two weeks later More »