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Survivor News on the Web (May 12-18, 2010)

May 21st, 2010 by Elizabeth Grace Frank-Backman
Raven overlooking canyon

Credit: Al_HikesAZ @ Flickr.com

Survivor Project News

Marcella Chester @ Abyss2Hope publishes a “carnival”, or roundup, of posts on sexual assault related issues on the first and 15th of each month. The latest carnival was published May 15, 2009. If you have an article you would like to recommend for the next carnival (June 1), you can submit the link, using this form. In general, recommendations should be submitted at least 3 days before the 1st and 15th.

Erin Weed, who founded Girls Fight Back after a friend of hers was murdered, writes about attending and being inspired by the Young Nonprofit Professionals Network and Women’s Funding Network conferences. She is beginning to talk to major funders about internationalizing Girls Fight Back, possibly with the goal of teaching self-defense to women in war zones.

Art, Literature & Entertainment

Ellen Moody discusses the literary and cinematic influences on two Jane Austin movies originally made for TV: Sense and Sensibility (2008) and Miss Austin Regrets.

Carol Lehman reviews the book Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan . She describes it as a fantasy book that “honestly address issues that child sexual abuse survivors face”. The book is a fantasy story based on the Grimm Brother’s tale, “Snow White and Rose Red”. Note: In 2009, the UK Guardian book reviewer Meg Rosoff called it “the must-read of the summer”.

Purple Stained Skin has written up a list of the major poetry magazines available on newstands and libraries and provides a short description for each. In a second post Purple Stained Skin provides commentary on the poems published in No 23 of the Columbia poetry review. In a third post he has a review of Ally Malinenko’s The Wanting Bone.

White Dove’s Nest has written and posted a beautiful poem about learning across generations: A Boy Looking After Teddy Bears.

Feminism, Ethnocentrism, and other isms

Ayanna Nahmias reflects on the good and bad of a 1917 National Geographic story on North Africa. The photography in the story preserved a culture that has since changed in the face of global connectednes. But the commentary on the photos reflects the extreme ethnocentrism that develops when cultures do not meet each other.

Facts for Working People reflects on spending priorities in California, disputes over African investment policies, the never ending corporate search for cheap labor, and low usage rate of US industrial capacity, all from a socialist perspective.

Body and Self

This week, the body and self category was dominated by posts on the oversexualization of young people.

Abyss2Hope reflects on the phrase “prostitots” and argues that this particular way of describing over sexualized children is problematic because it uses “slut-shaming” to deal with the problem of oversexualized children.

Anny Jacoby comments with concern about a video of 8-9 year olds dancing in the World of Dance competition. She feels that by approving this dance routine the coach and the children’s parents were sending the wrong message and teaching their children to gain applause and approval from sexualized behavior. Note: The video has since been taken off line, but two ABC segments about the video contain partial images, a response by the parents, and commentary by a child psychologist.

Health and Wholeness

Ayanna Nahmias discussed a 7 year old Russian boy whose adoptive mother decided that he was “too difficult” and sent him back. She observes that parenting is a life-long responsibility. Children, whether born or adopted, shouldn’t be discarded because they are too difficult.

Just Be Real focused on people pleasing and why that can become a destructive addiction. She quotes liberally from evangelit Joyce Meyer. Both Just Be Real and Joyce Meyer are survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck with Kids continues her exploration of the many ways childhood rape can impact a life. This week she discussed the impact of being raped by her brother on her adult relationship with her husband and reflected on how a prior face to face confrontation with evil magnifies her reactions to events like the Columbine massacre.

Crime and Terror: Advocacy, Prevention, and Aftermath

Anny Jacoby tells a wonderful story about how an attempted stabbing was thwarted by a combination of self-defense skills and cooperation. One student ran to security to get police to the scene. The other, Jesse Hladik, worked to subdue the attacker, along with two other students. When Hladik noticed the knife in the attacker’s had, she was able to force him to drop the knife by applying pressure to appropriate points on the wrist.

Anny Jacoby has also written two posts questioning how much protection against dating violence is provided for by current laws in Virginia and the proposed policies of the University of Virginia. University of Virginia student Yeardley Love was murdered by an ex-boyfriend on May 3, 2010.

Abyss2Hope compares the social tolerance for false rape claims to the social tolerance for auto insurance fraud.

Gayle Force @ Unnatural Forces reflects on how rape changes the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. She also shares an example of how the right kind of humor can help us deal with rape.

Theology, Religion and Ethics

Shen @ Reunited Selves has just finished a long series of posts describing a private retreat where she carried out a ceremony she created for herself to symbolize and carry her through a transitional moment of healing and letting go.

Darlene Ouimet reminds us that sometimes positive affirmations and religiously motivated actions are sometimes the end point rather than the starting point of a journey of healing. Before we can deal with matters like forgiveness or the belief that God doesn’t make junk, first we must give ourselves permission to feel and experience ourselves as we are now, in the moment, and not as we think we should be. Two part post: (1, 2) .

Wanda’s Wings explores her anger at God. Harriet J @ Futitivus describes how taking a risk with prayer helped her defuse her intense anger at her less-than-nice neighbors.

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Sade Adu: A Soldier of Love

May 20th, 2010 by Elizabeth Grace Frank-Backman

Sade Adu’s rich contro-alto voice and song writing skill first came to attention in 1983 with the song “Smooth Operator“. In song after song she captures the complexities of ego, hope, aspiration, and love. In Smooth Operator she describes a man who impresses woman after woman, never wasting a move, and yet ultimately has nothing to offer but love for sale.

In Your Love is King (1984) she describes quite a different lover, one whose love “touches the very part of me that is making my soul sing. I’m crying out for more. Your love is king…. This is no blind faith. This is no sad and sorry dream. This is no blind faith. Your love is real”. It is not entirely clear whether she is talking about a lover or following a tradition as old as the bible and using passionate love to portay an awareness of Love (cf. Hosea, Song of Songs) or whether she simply enjoys the ambiguity of a song that could be read either way. In 2008, the UK Daily Telegraph listed it as one of the 50 best love songs of the 1980’s.

King of Sorrow from the Lover’s Rock album (2000) explores the determination to continue despite feeling overwhelmed: “I’m crying everyone’s tears and there inside our private war I died the night before… I suppose I could just walk away. Will I disappoint my future if I stay? It’s just a day that brings it all about. Just another day and nothing’s any good. The DJ’s playing the same song, I have so much to do. I have to carry on. I wonder if this grief will ever let me go. I feel like I am the king of sorrow, yeah, the king of sorrow.

Soldier of Love , the title song of Sade’s latest album, is about not giving up on one’s capacity to love even when hurt and pain and confusion make it seem a distant reality:

I’ve lost the use of my heart, but I’m still alive,
Still looking for the life, the endless pool on the other side.
It’s a wild wild west, I’m doing my best,
I’m at the borderline, I’m at the hinterland of my devotion,
In the frontline of this battle of mine, But I’m still alive ….
I know that love will come, turn it all around.
I’m a soldier of love,
Every day and night, all the days of my life.

The Soldier of Love album was released this year (February 8, 2010). This is the first album to be released in 10 years. Despite this gap, Sade still has a loyal fanbase. Sade has chosen to be defiend by her songs rather than a media created public persona. Though she says her most recent album contains “quite a lot of my history“, she is deliberately reticent about the actual details, because she wants people to be focused on the way the song relates to her life and not to limit its meaning to her particular story.

In an interview Sade give to UK’s Sunday Times just before the release of Soldier of Love, we get a glimpse into a small part of Sade’s history. Sade told the Times that her parents loved each other deeply, but could not live together. Sade’s father is Nigerian and her mother British. Sade was born in Nigeria, but four months after Sade was born her mother took Sade and her older brother. The three returned to the UK, leaving her father behind in Nigeria. Periodically Sade’s parents considered getting back together but never did When her parents married, Sade’s father gave her mother a rose. 30 years later when he died, Sade’s mother took the preserved rose and threw it into the grave.  Sade said that point she realized how deeply her mother had cared for her father.  She had held onto the rose all that time. She traces the theme of unfulfilled love in many of her songs to her parents long lasting but never quite realized love.

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Survivor News on the Web (May 5-May 11, 2010)

May 13th, 2010 by IfSheCryOut
Raven overlooking canyon

Credit: Al_HikesAZ @ Flickr.com

Survivor Project News

  • Beth Fehlbaum is progressing with her efforts to market a line a young adult novels about survivors of childhood sexual assault and abuse. The first book in the series, Courage in Patience, is now available on Amazon through Marketplace Sellers. The second will be published in October by Westside Books. She has also added a Facebook community page (a.k.a. fan page) to support her marketing efforts.
  • Erin Merryn’s bill was approved by the Illinois Senate.  The bill must now be approved by the state House of Representatives.  An article on Erin Merryn and her advocacy work was published in Chicago’s Daily Herald.    She has also written a post describing the hearings and the actual vote.
  • Maria Phelps has been working on an amendment to strengthen protections of women whose partners have violated a restraining order. Zebrowski and 8 co-sponsors have introduced bill A. 10736. The bill will prevent a domestic abuser who has violated a restraining order, from being released without seeing a Judge first, or being held for at least 12 hours. The bill was inspired by the case of Isol Cotto who was murdered by her husband when he bailed himself out 2 hours after being jailed for violating a restraining order. (more…)

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Betty Makoni: Transforming Girls from Victims to Leaders

May 12th, 2010 by Elizabeth Grace Frank-Backman

Betty Makoni’s mission is to give girls who have been raped the confidence to transform from victims to survivors to leaders. Through her organization, Girl Child Network Worldwide (GCNW), she has built up a small group of girls in a rural school in Zimbabwee into a force of young women spanning three continents: Africa, Europe, and North America.

The video to the left is the first in a four part series on YouTube describing Marconi and her work in Zimbabwe (1 2 3 4). GCNW is modeled on her work in Zimbabwe and accomplishes its mission with a unique blend of peer empowerment, adult role models, cultural tradition, modern human rights philosophy, and social advocacy. The project began in 1998 when Makoni was working as a teacher. She noticed that there were twice as many boys as girls in her classes and girl students often attended irregularly. One day she decided to start asking the girls why this was so and found out that they were carrying the weight of many of Zimbabwe’s social ills: parents who had AIDS, abuse at home, early marriage, or shame and trauma from rape.  Rape of young girls is especially common in Zimbabwee because as many as 1 in 10 men believe that the blood of a virgin with cause them to prosper financially or heal them from AIDS.

Makoni, an English teacher, decided that her job as a teacher required her to educate the entire child and not just the child’s brain. (more…)

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Axe the Rape-aXe

May 12th, 2010 by IfSheCryOut
Student Witch (Marcus J Ranum)

Credit: Marcus J Ranum

What if women could arm their vaginas with teeth? Would that prevent rape?

The use of rape to intimidate reared its ugly head again in March when more than 15,000 facebook users signed up as supporters of a Facebook campaign to rape and murder white attendees to the June, 2010 World Cup games.  The page create great concern because it purported to be sponsored by the ANC Youth League. The ANC denounced the page saying that it was against all forms of hate speech.  Facebook shut the page down.

However, the fact that the page garnered so many supporters has many concerned, including the inventor of a device known as the “Rape-aXe“, Sonnet Ehlers. She believes this device will protect women from rape and is trying to raise money to 30,000 free instances of this device during the world cup games.

The Rape-aXe is a sheath inserted in the vagina. Inside the sheaf are small hooks that grab onto a penis or object forced into the vagina. This is supposed to cause the rapist great pain forcing the rapist to withdraw his penis and rush off to the hospital to have the device removed.

The device has raised the ire of Western anti-rape advocates for placing the onus of rape prevention on the victim, however criticism of the device is not merely a matter of  Westerners imposing their standards on others.

When Sonnet Ehlers proposed the Rape-aXe 5 years ago, the device was denounced in South Africa amid much controversy. South Africa has one of the highest per-capita reported sexual assault rates (1.47 in 1000)  and the actual rape is estimated to be as much as 20 times that.  Social changes to reduce rape rates are making slow if any progress.  To Ehlers and many who first hear about the device, it seems like a way to fight back against rape.   At a minimum, she claims it will make attackers easier to identify.  Rape survivor Charlene Smith, a leading anti-rape activist in South Africa, disagrees, arguing that it was based on fundamental misunderstanding of rape and was likely to increase the number of rapes that end in murder or serious physical harm.  When the device was first released, Smith and several other leading South African anti-rape activists asked that the government ban the sale of the device.

The appeal of the device relies on a host of rape myths and unrealistic assumptions about how rapes are carried out and how they are prosecuted afterward: More »

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“Stop Rape Now!” Wants You

May 10th, 2010 by Elizabeth Grace Frank-Backman

In a bid to generate global political pressure against rape as a weapon of war, the UN has launched a new initiative called “Stop Rape Now!”. Ordinary citizens around the globe are being asked to waken the interest of elected officials around the world in one of four ways:

Videos, survivor stories, resource materials, sample letters, NGO activity updates and more are available on the Stop Rape Now! website.
Detailed information and support tools for all of these projects are available on the projects website’s Take Action page.

To raise awareness of the project, the United Nations’ special representative on sexual violence in conflict, Margaret Wallstrom was interviewed on NPR radio. They have also placed two PSA’s on YouTube. The first, displayed with this post is meant to both personalize the story and add celebrity appeal. The second features ordinary people around the globe expressing their opposition to rape as a weapon of war.

The political pressure is surely needed. Margaret Wallstrom still is working in temporary office space. A recent press conference several raised questions about whether or not the UN was dedicating sufficient resources to the problem. During the NPR interview, Wallstrom herself explained that the Congo has had good anti-rape laws on the books for a while. However, the laws remain unimplemented due to the lack of resources. Furthermore, the UN has ongoing problems moving its own anti-sexual abuse initiative from a global mandate to local implementation. At the beginning of May, the BBC reported that 10 Pakistani peace-keepers had raped a 13 year old girl. Her village’s elders lodged a formal complaint several months before the BBC investigation, but no action had been taken and the UN is only now saying it will look into the matter.

Often at the UN issues affecting women are treated as bargaining chips. Recently, Iran was accepted as a member of the UN Commission on the Status of Women (CSW). Iran is one of only a handful of nations that has neither signed or ratified the UN Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women. All other members of the CSW have ratified the treaty. Their uncontested nomination was the result of horse trading to keep them off of the UN Human Rights Commission.

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David LaChappelle’s “The Rape of Africa”

May 8th, 2010 by Elizabeth Grace Frank-Backman

The Rape of Africa (David LaChappelle)

Venus and Mars (Sandro Botticelli)

Throughout the month of May, the mural to the left will be hanging in the courtyard of the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art. The mural, by David LaChappelle is based on Botticelli’s Venus and Mars and is meant to comment on the effects of war, mass marketing, and mining on Africa.

Our society is fond of using rape as a rhetorical device, and when it is used well it can send a powerful message. When artists use rape as a metaphor it is vitally important that they use the metaphor in a way that honors rape victims. This painting fails to do that on several levels. (more…)

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B is for Healing

May 8th, 2010 by IfSheCryOut

B is for bone. We need to understand that we are strong like bones, yes breakable, but also incredibly strong, durable, and resilient. At times we can break, but mostly we endure.

I used to feel all uncomfortable and freaked out about bone, about having bones, about having a skeleton inside of me. But bones are intricate, minute little worlds and a skeleton is a recipe for function and possibilities.

After watching the show “Bones” for several seasons I have concluded that there is reason to love bones and to love being made of bones at my core. Living bones are not like skeletons. Living bones are alive, containing, enfolding, protecting, they make it possible for so much that we are capable of. Rarely do we question it or think about it. Bones are courageous. Survivors are like bones.

B is for ball. One of my brothers told me recently a ball is the most popular toy the world over. I told him, I know that. I read that in a book of children’s games and online as well. I showed him a small, tiny bouncing ball I had brought with me to California from Ohio and before that from Minnesota. I told him it is one of my favorite toys as well. I had been bouncing it out in the backyard earlier in the day. The ability to play is so tied up for me in playing with a ball. I have never lost the ability to play. We all need that. B is for ball.

B is for beauty. Survivors need beauty. We need to breathe in beauty, to soak it deep into our skin, to drink it down, to feast our eyes upon it. Survivors need beauty. We need every reason that we can find to have a reason for joy in this world. We need beauty like others need food or water. We need to have a reason to stay here, we need beauty, we need to find love, something to love, something for us to want, something for us to find joy and happiness with, something to make our hearts beat a little bit faster. Beauty is healing and we need all the healing we can find.

This article originally appeared in Kate1975’s Blog; reprinted with permission.

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Survivor News on the Web (April 28-May 4, 2010)

May 7th, 2010 by IfSheCryOut

New Survivor Blogs

  • Silence the Lies, Give Voice a Truth has started a blog “to educate readers of some of the misconceptions about rape that are rampant in our societal subconscious.” She was raped when a fellow guest at the birthday party for a friend’s 9 year old daughter offered to walk her home.

Survivor Project News

  • Marj aka Thriver is fullfilling her dream and learning to draw botanical sketches. She showed off a sample of her developing skills here.
  • Erin Merryn who was sexually abused by her cousin at age 11 has been advocating to change the Illinois school code so that children are informed about how to recognize, report and get help for sexual abuse. On April 19, Tom Bivins formally turned her proposed school code ammendments into a bill and asked her to testify You can see the proposed ammendments here. If you live in Illinois and want to support this bill, we encourage you to contact your state senators and representatives.
  • Denise Brown, whose sister, Nicole Brown, was a victim of domestic violence and murder, has founded the Elite Speakers Bureau. The Bureau meets a need for celebrity and nationally recognized speakers on family and sexual violence for corporations and shelters fundraising events. (more…)

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Perhaps It is Time to Listen to Samantha Geimer

May 4th, 2010 by Elizabeth Grace Frank-Backman

In 2003, Samantha Geimer wrote an Op-Ed in the LA Times. In the op-ed piece she discusses the rape and expressed three frustrations with life after rape:

Looking back, there can be no question that he did something awful. It was a terrible thing to do to a young girl. But it was also 25 years ago — 26 years next month. And, honestly, the publicity surrounding it was so traumatic that what he did to me seemed to pale in comparison….

I know there is a price to pay for running. But who wouldn’t think about running when facing a 50-year sentence from a judge who was clearly more interested in his own reputation than a fair judgment or even the well-being of the victim? … My attitude surprises many people. That’s because they didn’t go through it all; they don’t know everything that I know. People don’t understand that the judge went back on his word…..

The one thing that bothers me is that what happened to me in 1977 continues to happen to girls every day, yet people are interested in me because Mr. Polanski is a celebrity. That just never seems right to me. It makes me feel guilty that this attention is directed at me, when there are certainly others out there who could really use it.

Looking back at all the verbage spilled over the Polanski rape case I’m wondering why so little is being written on these questions. We say child rape should be punished strongly because it is so hurtful to victims. But aren’t we also hurting a victim by ignoring her questions? The first rule of compassion is to give what a person needs and not what we want or expect them to need.

Rape and the media. Geimer declares that the media treatment was more traumatic than the rape. Was she merely exaggerating? Should we not take her at her word? She seems to mean it. In October, 2009, shortly after Polanski’s arrest she was back in the news, pleading to be left alone and warning that the media circus that accompanies celebrity rapes discourages victims of celebrities from filing complaints.

Rape media coverage can be brutal, especially when the alleged rapist is a celebrity. Anyone following the shenanigans of Ben Roethlisberger in the US or Jack Tweed in the UK knows this. To see just how brutal, take a look at our in depth review of the trial coverage and scroll down to the description of the Daily Mail’s equal opportunity slam. Or alternative enter “Ben Roethlisberger Andrea McNulty” into google. Even when the coverage isn’t hostile, excessive attention can be very disruptive. She is raising a very important point and she is being ignored.

I’m not the only victim in town. We’ve also largely ignored Geimer’s worry that society marginalizes rape unless there is a celebrity involved. There are other cases that have just as much or more need for attention than hers.

Geimer isn’t the only one whose raised the question. Way back in September, ABC interviewed UCLA law professor Peter Arnella. Why, he asked, would a prosecutor spend so much energy and money going after a one-time offender from 30 years ago when it is cash strapped? The prosecutor brushed it aside as a case where principle matters more than economics: “offenders don’t get to choose their punishment”.

But in this case, do principles really matter more than economics? What is the opportunity cost of pursuing Polansky? How many below-the-poverty-line kids have abusers that aren’t being prosecuted because it would divert resources from the Polanski case? How many prosecutions are only half prepared because there isn’t enough money budgeted for the case? How many local crimes are we going to prevent by spending money on legal sparring with Polanski rather than on locking up that local guy breaking parole by hanging around outside of school playgrounds?

A deal is a deal. Geimer contends that the judge made a promise and then reneged on it. Lies and broken promises by an authority figure are a key element of Geimer’s rape complaint. They are a key element of almost any non-violent rape. Assuming she is telling the truth about a deal, is it any wonder she should react negatively to a judge’s broken promises? Is she being overly sensitive? Or are we minimizing? Can we really afford to treat her concerns about judicial deception lightly?

Is this really about Polanski? If we think the original deal gave too light a sentence, perhaps then we should be asking why the prosecutor made that deal in the first place?

A 90-day sentence for a drug facilitated rape of a minor should make us mad. But we shouldn’t take that anger out on the victim. We should place it where it belongs: on a judge who thought that Polanski deserved no more than a slap on the wrist. The transcript from sentencing reads:

The probation report discloses that although just short of her 14th birthday at the time of the offense, the prosecutrix was a well developed young girl who looked older than her years; and regrettably not unschooled in sexual matters. She has a 17 year old boyfriend, with whom she had sexual intercourse at least twice prior to the offense involved. The probation report further reveals that the prosecutrix was not unfamiliar with the drug quaalude, she having experimented with it as early as her tenth or eleventh year……..However, although the prosecutrix was not an inexperienced and unsophisticated young girl, this of course was not a license to the defendant, a man of the world, in his forties, to engage in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with her

Do you see the hint of “it isn’t rape unless she’s a virgin” ?

A judge who truly understood rape would not care whether Geimer had tried sex or drugs before. The only thing that should have mattered was the gap in their ages. In essence the judge is saying “yeah, it is wrong, but not wrong-wrong. Sure, Polanski shouldn’t have done it, but It isn’t like we are spoiling a pure innocent child. He didn’t introduce her to sex or Quaaludes.” Is it any wonder the judge gave such a light sentence? Isn’t it time the State own up to its own mistakes?

Geimer wants the case closed because a deal is a deal. Polanski wants testimony about the sentencing decisions unsealed so he can prove a deal is a deal. The State wants to keep them sealed. Why? If the State behaved itself, what does it have to fear?

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